Posts Tagged ‘conflict’

10 winning steps to having a courageous conversation

Feedback manager and direct reportDo you have a difficult conversation “waiting in the wings” to be had with a colleague, direct report, manager,  spouse, friend and or family member?  Are you finding that merely thinking about this is activating a whole host of feelings, thoughts and reactions?

Common reactions include,  “ I don’t want to rock the boat”, “What if it comes out all wrong?”, and or  “What if it affects our relationship for the worse?”

What reactions come up for you?

Deep down you know all is not well because you are thinking about the particular issue over and over again.

“Maybe I could say this”, or “Last time that happened, I should have said ….”

And while you may be expending a lot of time and energy running through the various scenarios in your head, that is as far as you go!

The mental pre-occupation is in itself a good indicator that some action is called for.   As a wise person has said, “Whatever you resist, persists.” 

If we don’t have the conversations we need to, we can be sure that the relationship over time, will diminish as we withdraw, give up, remain falsely polite or things blow up unexpectedly at the most inopportune moment.  And then it is a major.

It is only through having a courageous conversation that we learn about the elasticity, bounce and depth of the relationship.

So you may be wondering, where do I begin?

In the words of Susan Scott, author of Fierce Conversations “While no one conversation is guaranteed to change the trajectory of your career or life, any single conversation can.”  

You have more chances of a successful conversation if you put in some thought and consideration beforehand. Planning is a key part of this preparation.

A courageous conversation begins way before you actually have that conversation. 

Here are 10 steps that will help you with this process.   (more…)

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