Posts Tagged ‘communication’

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How to Get the Best from Your Introverted Team Members

Introverted feeling types have a wealth of warmth and enthusiasm, but they may not show it until they know someone well. They wear their warm side inside, like a fur-lined coat.” – Isabel Briggs Myers

In our world, the externals including charisma and outgoing personalities get noted and praised starting right from our early school days.

For example, one teacher’s feedback, “Johnny is a confident, active and outgoing child.” On the other hand “Sarah is quiet and withdrawn and doesn’t easily mix with others.”

I wonder if we have an unconscious bias towards ‘quiet’ being seen as “less than” when compared to the more gregarious energetic personalities!

Okay – so we are who we are and here’s what we need to remember:

Both personality preferences – introversion and extraversion – have their strengths and challenges
.

As bosses, parents, teachers and community leaders, we need to be mindful that both the extroverted and introverted personality preferences have their own strengths as much as their challenges.

If we are aware of this, we can optimise performance and communication with our colleagues, direct reports, students and even the rebellious teenager, on some occasions!

“Well-developed introverts can deal ably with the world around them when necessary, but they do their best work inside their heads, in reflection. Similarly well-developed extraverts can deal effectively with ideas, but they do their best work externally, in action.” ― Isabel Briggs MyersGifts Differing: Understanding Personality Type

Team meetings


Let us look at team meetings where we spend a large chunk of our working time.

Introverted personalities tend to be quieter and not readily discuss their gems in meetings. While for the more extroverted types, speaking their minds or – their thoughts – as they get formulated – is not an issue.

The extroverted personality can come across as confident because they are never short on opinions or a willingness to say whatever is present for them in the moment. This is how they think….in talking it out.

On the other hand, those who are more introverted tend to be more quieter unless they feel really strongly about something and only then they might speak up.

However, when they do speak, they get peoples attention because more often than not, it has real substance and is well thought through.

‘Depth’ is a word that often gets used to describe a team member with introverted preferences.

To get the best from the more introverted team member show that you value their input by inviting them in and asking for their insights and perspective…and give them some time for reflection before reporting back!

Getting the best as their manager

You need to be conscious that they will not be easy initiators so you will need to draw them out by asking for their views.

If you have more introverted preferences yourself then you will naturally have more resonance and empathy here.

As a manager or leader you need to be aware that to get the best out of your more introverted team members (or family members for that matter), you also need to give them time to consider and process things on important agenda items so your asking does not put them on the spot.

While the typical extrovert’s claim of their more introverted team members is, “They do not say much in meetings” the introverts view when probed is, “It is hard to get a word in edge-wise!”

Doing round-robins in a team meeting which is basically doing a round in a circle where everyone gets to contribute their thought, feelings and ideas on the question/topic under discussion ensures that both personality types get to speak and therefore have equal air-time.

The introverted leader


We sometimes overlook the fact that we have just as many introverted as extroverted managers and leaders.

If you are a more introverted leader then know that you may have to make more of an effort to share information, be visible, initiate and express and give praise in ways that inspire and engage and builds a high performing team.

Doing team personality profiling is a great way of understanding your individual and team profile. It provides a common language and can take away a lot of unspoken tension and judgment amongst team members.

Learning about personality and team type is not only fun and helpful for improved work relationships but with family too.

Introversion and Influence

Regardless of our personality types, we all need to get our ideas communicated to those who matter.

If you have read this far, a question I am exploring currently and I would love to hear from you is:

If you identify yourself as more of an introvert, what helps you get your ideas heard and acknowledged with your key stakeholders?

Source:  For further reading, you may wish to look into books on the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI). The work and tool was developed by Katherine Briggs and Isabel Myers based on the work of Carl Jung.

(more…)

Who are you prosecuting?

Having recently shared on the tyranny of being right,  Rick’s regular newsletter, “Just One Thing”   arrived in my inbox.  The topic “Who are you prosecuting?  was on a similar theme.    So what better delight than to share his great post – with his permission, of course –  with you all?! 🙂

Sign up details to his awesome newsletter are at the bottom.

Rick Hanson, Ph.D., is a psychologist, New York Times best-selling author, Senior Fellow of the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley, and invited speaker at Oxford, Stanford, and Harvard universities. See Rick’s workshops and lectures.

Why?

Lately I’ve been thinking about a kind of “case” that’s been running in my mind about someone in my extended family. The case is a combination of feeling hurt and mistreated, critique of the other person, irritation with others who haven’t supported me, views about what should happen that hasn’t, and implicit taking-things-personally.

In other words, the usual mess.

It’s not that I have not been mistreated – actually, I have been – nor that my analysis of things is inaccurate (others agree that what I see does in fact exist). The problem is that my case is saturated with negative emotions like anger, biased toward my own viewpoint, and full of me-me-me. Every time I think of it I start getting worked up, adding to the bad effects of chronic stress. It creates awkwardness with others, since even though they support me, they’re naturally leery of getting sucked into my strong feelings or into my conflict with the other person. It makes me look bad, too cranked up about things in the past. And it primes me for overreactions when I see the person in question. Yes, I practice with this stuff arising in my mind and generally don’t act it out, but it’s still a burden.

I think my own experience of case-making – and its costs – are true in general. In couples in trouble, one or both people usually have a detailed Bill of Particulars against the other person. At larger scales, different social or political groups have scathing indictments of the other side.

How about you? Think of someone you feel wronged by: can you find a case against that person in your mind? What’s it feel like to go into that case? What does it cost you? And others?

The key – often not easy – is to be open to your feelings (e.g., hurt, anger), to see the truth of things, and to take appropriate action . . . while not getting caught up in your case about it all.

How?

Bring to awareness a case about someone – probably related to a grievance, resentment, or conflict. It could be from your present or your past, resolved or still grinding. Explore this case, including: the version of events in it, other beliefs and opinions, emotions, body sensations, and wants; notice how you see the other person, and yourself; notice what you want from others (sometimes their seeming failings are a related case). For a moment or two, in your mind or out loud, get into the case: really make it! Then notice what that’s like, to get revved up into your case.

Mentally or on paper, list some of the costs to you and others of making this particular case. Next, list the payoffs to you; in other words, what do you get out of making this case? For example, making a case typically makes us feel in the right, is energizing, and helps cover over softer vulnerable emotions like hurt or disappointment. Then ask yourself: are the payoffs worth the costs?

With this understanding, see if you can stay with the difficult feelings involved in the situation (the basis for the case) without slipping into a reproachful or righteous case about them. To do this, it could help to start by resourcing yourself by bringing to mind the felt sense of being cared about by others, and by opening to self-compassion. And try to hold those difficult feelings in a big space of awareness.

Open to a wider, more impersonal, big picture view of the situation – so it’s less about you and more about lots of swirling causes coming together in unfortunate ways. See if any kind of deeper insight about the other person, yourself, or the situation altogether comes to you.

Listen to your heart: are there any skillful actions to take? Including naming the truth of things, disengaging from tunnels with no cheese, or the action of there-is-nothing-that-can-be-done.

Watch how a case starts forming in your mind, trying to get its hooks into you. Then see if you can interrupt the process. Literally set down the case, like plopping down a heavy suitcase when you finally get home after a long trip. What a relief!

Enjoy the good feelings, the spaciousness of mind, the openness of heart, the inner freedom, and other rewards of dropping your case.

JUST ONE THING (JOT) is the free newsletter that suggests a simple practice each week for more joy, more fulfilling relationships, and more peace of mind. A small thing repeated routinely adds up over time to produce big results.

Just one thing that could change your life.
(© Rick Hanson, 2018)

How to Get the Best from Your Introverted Team Members

Introverted team member
“Introverted feeling types have a wealth of warmth and enthusiasm, but they may not show it until they know someone well. They wear their warm side inside, like a fur-lined coat.” 

– Isabel Briggs Myers

In our world the externals including charisma and outgoing personalities get noted and praised starting right from early school.
For example, one teacher’s feedback, “Johnny is a confident, active and outgoing child.” On the other hand  “Anjila is very quiet in class and keeps to herself.”

Okay – so we are who we are and here’s what we need to remember:

Both personality preferences have their strengths

As bosses, parents, teachers and community leaders, we need to be mindful that both the extroverted and introverted personality preferences bring their own strengths as much as they have their challenges.

If we are aware of this, we can optimise performance and exchange with our colleagues, direct reports, students and even the seemingly incalcitrant teenager, on some occasions!

“Well-developed introverts can deal ably with the world around them when necessary, but they do their best work inside their heads, in reflection. 
Similarly well-developed extraverts can deal effectively with ideas, but they do their best work externally, in action.”
― Isabel Briggs MyersGifts Differing: Understanding Personality Type

Team meetings

Let us look at team meetings where we spend a large chunk of our working time. (more…)

How to Give Great Feedback and Save Your Relationship

two biz man“Words are singularly the most powerful force available to humanity. We can choose to use this force constructively with words of encouragement, or destructively using words of despair. Words have energy and power with the ability to help, to heal, to hinder, to hurt, to harm, to humiliate and to humble.”
– Yehuda Berg

Imagine this – you have just finished a presentation to about a hundred attendees out of town.

This particular presentation was not only your first of this kind but unbeknownst to the audience, you had had just a difficult conversation with a family member, which was not something you had planned for.

Regardless, you did the best presentation you could do and felt relieved that it was finally over.

As you are heading to the back of the room, an attendee walks up to you and says, you know what,  “That was ALL wrong!”

And then they proceed to tell me why and what you “SHOULD” have done.

This actually happened to me some fifteen years ago at an event. Needless to say I was totally gob smacked!  (more…)

Leadership: Giving and Receiving Feedback

giving and receiving feedback“Feedback is the breakfast of champions.
-Ken Blanchard

Giving and receiving feedback helps us grow both at work and in our personal lives.

At work, giving and receiving feedback  is a key part of a manager or leader’s life. And it has a significant bearing on performance outcomes, individual and team morale and the organisation culture.

At work, some examples of when feedback to team members or peers is required include – not keeping agreements, making cynical comments to suggestions in meetings, not delivering on time, putting the company down,  the blame approach that “it’s always someone else’s fault”  and or not living the company’s values.

Unaddressed, negative behaviour and attitudes become more pervasive, entrenched and toxic with time.

All these behaviours become a hindrance to good working relationships and performance as well as being a potential career breaker.

Unfortunately though, living and receiving feedback is something that we aren’t naturally good at. Whether at work or home, sometimes it feels easier to ignore, avoid or minimise than to have the needed conversation.

(more…)

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