How many times have you really wanted to do something – take your leadership the next step up, follow your heart’s desire, committ to a new goal but have shied away?  Pulled back because you felt you weren’t ready, the time wasn’t right or you got distracted from what really mattered? 

It is one thing, if there were legitimate reasons for not taking action. However, many a time, we have also not done what we really wanted or taken that next step because of our limiting self-talk and underlying beliefs.  Thinking and beliefs like – “I just need to do one more course before I am ready” (then another and another!); “can I really do that” or “what if it doesn’t work out?”  

We talk ourselves out of things even before we begin.  Our dreams, desires or goals beckon but we don’t honour them sufficiently; instead – prioritizing it to a vague another day, another time, maybe never. (more…)

It was a birthday week last week.  And yes – I am happy to admit –despite the passing years; I stretch it out and lap it up like I was still in my teens!  A day is far too short to do birthdays any justice, don’t you think?

More seriously, this time it hit me that birthdays are only made special because of our loving family and friends. Their warm wishes are like a wrapping of love. It made me feel like the perfect gift.  As my heart expanded, I was able to extend these feelings of appreciation and gratitude back to them. I was also left questioning how most of our days we madly rush around, rarely savouring or letting in the gift that our loved ones are to us.

According to Dr. Barbara Fredrickson, Psychology Professor and author of Positivity, true gratitude is heartfelt and unscripted, not mindless manners or tit for tat reciprocity.  The film and social movement Pay it forward is a great example of gratitude in action.

Gratitude is one of the essential pillars of positive psychology.   It has a direct hit on our feelings of positivity and well-being. Research shows that people, who are more grateful have higher levels of subjective well-being are less stressed, less depressed and are more satisfied with their lives and relationships.  Our resourcefulness and capacity also expands when we are in a more positive frame of mind and we are better able to deal with life transitions. (more…)

Resilience is our capacity to face and bounce back from the many challenges life confronts us in unpredictable ways.  And thankfully, there are a number of proven strategies that work in dealing with our stressful and challenging situations including: having a support network, being optimistic, having a perspective that recognizes that the stressor may not be permanent and pervasive, a reminder of other times that you have come out the other side, being present focused and attending to task at hand rather than worrying too much about the future. As I was writing this blog, a friend reminded me that  dining with friends, chocolate, retail therapy and getting her hair done was all she managed to do that lifted her spirit!

Another colleague, recently challenged with a health issue, successfully used the mantra, “all I have to get through is today” and “all I have is ‘the now’ to do what is needed.”  This helped him get through things in a much calmer and resourceful manner than being on the relentless rollercoaster of anxiety and panic feelings he was familiar with.

The point I want to make in this blog is that while there are positive steps we can take when confronted with challenging times, there is another thing we can also do.  Although all of the above strategies are effective because  we have no control over the unexpected, we can become a bit more proactive in identifying areas or thinking patterns which decrease our resilience.  

 Here are some questions for your exploration. We start off broadly then get more focused: (more…)

With time I have come  to appreciate the power and value of rituals.

This morning as I climbed the steps at the gym I appreciated the familiarity, comfort and regularity that this ritual provided.

Becoming a life member at the gym at the then lowish prices, some 20 years back,  has to be one of the best investments I ever  made.  Over the past year, the ritual of seeing my ” instrutor gostoso”  has also kept me on track!  Catching  up with my colleague and friend after the  workout is another comforting and supportive ritual. I’m aware there has been an absence of this ritual as she is currently in New York looking after her ailing mother.

So how about you?  What are some rituals that enhance your life? Whether in
work, business or personal life, positive rituals help ground us, advance
our intentions and goals and lift our spirit. 

What are some rituals that nurture and nourish your life?

 Jasbindar Singh is a business psychologist who loves helping her clients become more of what they desire!

In coaching, it becomes evident that often it is NOT that the talented executives do not have the answer but more – they are not practicing ‘IT’ – whatever this happens to be for them. This gap between knowing and not doing gets put down to a number of reasons – not having time, not making a serious commitment and or having a plan.

Our default patterns are not always the best ones.  According to Marshall Goldsmith, executive coach to over 150 CEOs and their teams and author of  32 books including the very readable and thought provoking  “Mojo“ - “our default response in life is to experience inertia.   In other words, our most common everyday process – the thing we do more often than anything else  – is to continue to do what we’re already doing.”

 The longer these important things are put off and or avoided, the easier it becomes to stay in the groove of the known rather than step out in do what is required. And yet when we do take action the sense of progress, breakthrough and results feel totally pleasing!  These feelings are even more accentuated when these actions are in aligment with our bigger sense of  meaning and purpose.

So the question for you is, “ What is the one thing if you did would make a real difference to you?”

As managers and leaders, this is also a great question to ask your direct reports in your coaching session with them. The range of answers I have received to what can be a game changing question include: (more…)