Archive for the ‘Personal reflection’ Category

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Looking back to look ahead….

How quickly 2018 passed, Time  now to pause, look back, reflect and ask what your priorities will be in the brand New Year!

Personally  I‘ve looked at the gains and achievements of the past year.  From that  I’ve also  tried to  find, and focus on a theme for the year ahead. There’s already an element here which needs more priority  – and it lies in the simple but neglected word,  gratitude.

Albert Schweitzer  put it like this “…at times our own light goes out and is re-kindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us.”

Gratitude is a pillar of positive psychology and has a direct correlation on our own feelings of positivity and well-being. It helps maximize the potential benefits of positive experiences and emotions on our lives.

Research on the concept shows that people, who are more grateful have higher levels of subjective well-being are less stressed, less depressed and more satisfied with their lives and relationships.

We feel more optimistic, have lower blood pressure, have more positive thoughts and a robust immune system and are more compassionate and forgiving.

Our resourcefulness and capacity  is also believed to expands when we are in a more positive frame of mind and we are better able to deal with life’s challenges.

Gratitude is also about what we give – not just receive  – and this could not be better highlighted than during this festive season when giving and gratitude go hand in hand.

Wishing you and your family a safe, enjoyable and fulfilling Christmas and New Year!

Warm regards
Jasbindar

P.S Image taken with the friendly  Skycity gnome! 🙂

 

Who are you prosecuting?

Having recently shared on the tyranny of being right,  Rick’s regular newsletter, “Just One Thing”   arrived in my inbox.  The topic “Who are you prosecuting?  was on a similar theme.    So what better delight than to share his great post – with his permission, of course –  with you all?! 🙂

Sign up details to his awesome newsletter are at the bottom.

Rick Hanson, Ph.D., is a psychologist, New York Times best-selling author, Senior Fellow of the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley, and invited speaker at Oxford, Stanford, and Harvard universities. See Rick’s workshops and lectures.

Why?

Lately I’ve been thinking about a kind of “case” that’s been running in my mind about someone in my extended family. The case is a combination of feeling hurt and mistreated, critique of the other person, irritation with others who haven’t supported me, views about what should happen that hasn’t, and implicit taking-things-personally.

In other words, the usual mess.

It’s not that I have not been mistreated – actually, I have been – nor that my analysis of things is inaccurate (others agree that what I see does in fact exist). The problem is that my case is saturated with negative emotions like anger, biased toward my own viewpoint, and full of me-me-me. Every time I think of it I start getting worked up, adding to the bad effects of chronic stress. It creates awkwardness with others, since even though they support me, they’re naturally leery of getting sucked into my strong feelings or into my conflict with the other person. It makes me look bad, too cranked up about things in the past. And it primes me for overreactions when I see the person in question. Yes, I practice with this stuff arising in my mind and generally don’t act it out, but it’s still a burden.

I think my own experience of case-making – and its costs – are true in general. In couples in trouble, one or both people usually have a detailed Bill of Particulars against the other person. At larger scales, different social or political groups have scathing indictments of the other side.

How about you? Think of someone you feel wronged by: can you find a case against that person in your mind? What’s it feel like to go into that case? What does it cost you? And others?

The key – often not easy – is to be open to your feelings (e.g., hurt, anger), to see the truth of things, and to take appropriate action . . . while not getting caught up in your case about it all.

How?

Bring to awareness a case about someone – probably related to a grievance, resentment, or conflict. It could be from your present or your past, resolved or still grinding. Explore this case, including: the version of events in it, other beliefs and opinions, emotions, body sensations, and wants; notice how you see the other person, and yourself; notice what you want from others (sometimes their seeming failings are a related case). For a moment or two, in your mind or out loud, get into the case: really make it! Then notice what that’s like, to get revved up into your case.

Mentally or on paper, list some of the costs to you and others of making this particular case. Next, list the payoffs to you; in other words, what do you get out of making this case? For example, making a case typically makes us feel in the right, is energizing, and helps cover over softer vulnerable emotions like hurt or disappointment. Then ask yourself: are the payoffs worth the costs?

With this understanding, see if you can stay with the difficult feelings involved in the situation (the basis for the case) without slipping into a reproachful or righteous case about them. To do this, it could help to start by resourcing yourself by bringing to mind the felt sense of being cared about by others, and by opening to self-compassion. And try to hold those difficult feelings in a big space of awareness.

Open to a wider, more impersonal, big picture view of the situation – so it’s less about you and more about lots of swirling causes coming together in unfortunate ways. See if any kind of deeper insight about the other person, yourself, or the situation altogether comes to you.

Listen to your heart: are there any skillful actions to take? Including naming the truth of things, disengaging from tunnels with no cheese, or the action of there-is-nothing-that-can-be-done.

Watch how a case starts forming in your mind, trying to get its hooks into you. Then see if you can interrupt the process. Literally set down the case, like plopping down a heavy suitcase when you finally get home after a long trip. What a relief!

Enjoy the good feelings, the spaciousness of mind, the openness of heart, the inner freedom, and other rewards of dropping your case.

JUST ONE THING (JOT) is the free newsletter that suggests a simple practice each week for more joy, more fulfilling relationships, and more peace of mind. A small thing repeated routinely adds up over time to produce big results.

Just one thing that could change your life.
(© Rick Hanson, 2018)

Leadership Call: The One Truth You Cannot Afford to Ignore

To be nobody-but-yourself — in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else — means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting.
– E.E. Cummings

Listen to your inner self!

During our busy year of meeting deadlines and juggling the demands and expectations of others and self, we can be left with little time for meaningful reflection of our lives.

After all, most of our energy is caught up in just keeping things going.
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Should I Keep Struggling or Throw in the Towel and Move On?

We are delighted to have this guest post from Srikumar Rao.

Srikumar Rao is a professor, author, consultant and TED speaker. His
work has been profiled in major media worldwide and he has been 
interviewed frequently by TV and radio networks. His course “Creativity
and Personal Mastery” was among the most popular and highest rated
at many of the world’s top business schools and is the only one to have
its own alumni association. To learn more visit www.theraoinstitute.com

A framework that helps you decide when to keep it and when to give up.

Aphorisms and proverbs sometimes pack powerful wisdom. We are fond of quoting them and using them to guide our behavior or to explain it.

But have you noticed how many of them contradict each other?

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How to Get Motivated When You Feel Like Giving Up

You had this really great idea. You started on your project with great gusto but as time passes you start to feel deflated.

You just are not getting the results you had been expecting. You are left feeling frustrated, disappointed and flat – your dream project is just not gaining traction and your mindset is negative.

Reading about people who have ‘made it’ accentuates your own lack of progress even further.

You can’t help but wonder if you have been duped by all that smart marketing, the glowing success stories of others and your own misplaced optimism and enthusiasm.

Your well-meaning family and friends had questioned you right from the start. What? Leave your full-time job? Embark on a writing career NOW? Start an internet-based business? (Or whatever other phrase fits here for you). Are you crazy?

Now their voices have become even louder in your head.

You would so love to be one of the success stories. The one who finally made it but right now have lost all your mojo and nothing to show for your courageous decision.

Well – here is the good news: (more…)

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