How many times in our lives – at work or personally have we known that something isn’t quite right be it about a particular situation, a business transaction or a person and yet we have chosen to be willfully blind.  According to Margaret Heffernan in her insightful and engaging book, “Willful Blindness” – why we ignore the obvious at our own peril, this is far more common and pervasive than we would possibly care to think about.  With real case studies, she answers questions like, why do we choose to keep ourselves in the dark, what are the forces at work that make us deny the big threats staring at us in the face and not heeding the warnings and why as individuals, companies and countries we regularly look back in the mirror and howl: How could we have been so blind?

Here are  nine factors at play that she covers in this highly recommended book:  (These are her words, edited only occasionally for the sake of this blog).

1) Affinity and beyond – familiarity does not breed contempt.  It breeds comfort and a sense of safety. Madoff’s  crime is described as an affinity crime,  preying on people like him who knew others like themselves, who didn’t ask questions because their level of comfort was so high that they felt they could take shortcuts.  Our blindness grows out of the small, daily decisions that we make which embed us snugly inside our affirming thoughts and values.  We think we see more but in fact the landscape has shrunk.

2) Love is blind – we blind ourselves to inconvenient or painful facts. Because our identity and security depends on our loved ones, we don’t want to see anything that threatens them. It is easier to be blind than deal with uncomfortable feelings. Neuroscience shows that love activates those areas of the brain associated with reward such as food, drink, money or cocaine.  The chemical processes stimulated by love disable much of the critical thinking about the loved one. There is the paradox of blindness – we think it will make us safe even as it puts us in danger. We make ourselves powerless when we pretend not to know.

3) Dangerous convictions – Psychologist Anthony Greenwald called this the “totalitarian ego.” It operates like a police state: locking away threatening or incompatible ideas, suppressing evidence, and re-writing history, all in the service of a central idea or self-image. (more…)

How many times have you really wanted to do something – take your leadership the next step up, follow your heart’s desire, committ to a new goal but have shied away?  Pulled back because you felt you weren’t ready, the time wasn’t right or you got distracted from what really mattered? 

It is one thing, if there were legitimate reasons for not taking action. However, many a time, we have also not done what we really wanted or taken that next step because of our limiting self-talk and underlying beliefs.  Thinking and beliefs like – “I just need to do one more course before I am ready” (then another and another!); “can I really do that” or “what if it doesn’t work out?”  

We talk ourselves out of things even before we begin.  Our dreams, desires or goals beckon but we don’t honour them sufficiently; instead – prioritizing it to a vague another day, another time, maybe never. (more…)

“It is easy to dodge our responsibilities, but we cannot dodge the consequences of dodging our responsibilities.”  
-Josiah Charles Stamp

Being responsible for our lives is a no brainer.  If we are asked the question of whether we take responsibility for our lives, the majority of us would say, “but, of course.” Seems pretty obvious, doesn’t it?   But this can be a question worth exploring deeper.  In my earlier work as a clinician, then as a consultant and coach, I discovered that even the most successful person invariably had an area or issue that they had sidled away from taking responsibility – whether consciously or unconsciously.

Here are a couple of examples–a top executive while “hitting the numbers” and running a very reputable and successful business, gave up responsibility of “being a father”  and spending much quality time  ( or any  at all!) with his  young kids.  His rationale – his partner was super organized and while holding down her own demanding job also managed the home life including the children.  Given one of his top values was family, the irony of this hit him sharply and he consequently committed to making time with the kids before they were put to bed.  A solution that he felt was realistic and achievable especially the weeks he was home and not out of the country.
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I once heard a speaker at a conference do an entire presentation about the time they “took their eye off the ball” and the impact this neglect had on their primary goal of building their new business.  Being a fairly focused person, I couldn’t quite relate to their message at the time but the penny dropped some years later when I did something similar!  Writing a book needn’t have precluded other important aspects of my life. 

The message here – regardless of what other ventures and or exciting people and projects come along your way, is do not give up your original dream, project or intention in pursuit of the other.   Continue to nurture your dream, goals and intentions.  Like planting seeds in your garden – provide the best growth conditions you can – water it regularly, feed it the right nutrients and generally keep an eye on its ongoing requirements.

It can be a challenge to keep our commitment to our dreams, passion and goals while also maintaining other important aspects of our life.  Our time and energy is limited on planet earth so why not grab it with zeal and give it your best shot.  Research on happiness indicates that our sense of satisfaction comes through engaging in what is meaningful for us.  Once you have identified these –stay on track and remind yourself when you take your eye off the ball for longer than desirable!

Jasbindar Singh is  business psychologist who loves helping her clients achieve their goals and lead  fulfilling lives.

While in Hawaii, I had the great pleasure of coming across the work of Rosa Say, a workplace culture and leadership coach, author and speaker. Rosa brings a unique Hawaiian perspective to business and workplace focusing on core Hawaiian values which also have a universality and parallel with many indigenous cultures. Her beautiful and very practical book, “Managing with Aloha” brings these values to life and I feel privileged sharing this interview with Rosa,  with you.

1. Tell us a bit about yourself – your roots and cultural background?

I was born and raised in Hawaii, the oldest of 5 children: I was 5 years old when Hawaii became the 50th State of USA. Like many in the islands, I represent a melting pot of ancestry, and I’m Filipino, Spanish, Portuguese, Russian, and Chinese, yet I consider myself keiki o ka ‘aina (a child of the land) in my value system and prevailing habit, in that I’m completely a product of the islands’ sense of place. In our islands, the locals would call me Kama’aina; one who is native born and bred, but not of Hawaiian blood ancestry. “Of Hawaii” is who I am, in that it is all I know as a resident, other than a very short time when I lived in the Philippines as a teenager, but I’ve been fortunate to have traveled outside of the islands quite a bit – more than most residents do. Haven’t been to your islands yet though, and believe me, it’s near the top of my bucket list! (more…)