Last week, a girl friend visiting from out of town, posed this question “Jas when is it appropriate to say things as they are versus not saying anything for the sake of maintaining the relationship?”  As you can imagine, this led to an engaging conversation on what the context of the question was including the nature of the issue, how long the issue had existed, what she was feeling and what she really needed from her partner.   My friend was obviously grappling with some relationship issues as we do from time to time. However, it got me reflecting on how similar dynamics show up in organizational life with our clients, colleagues, managers, leaders and or suppliers?

Let us take our colleagues and bosses. How free do we feel to openly communicate our thoughts and feelings with them?  How often do we not share with a team member that their annoying and seemingly disrespectful behaviours perhaps borne of poor EQ skills are getting in the way of a potentially good working relationship?

My experience is that we cannot avoid and gloss over issues and our rumbling feelings for too long.  Sooner or later things do catch up and bubble over at inopportune moments and in inappropriate ways.   When this happens, it is generally not a good look and typically does more harm than good.

The other down side of not being able to discuss and share our concerns is that it does not call for a good, healthy and robust team and or relationship where differences can be voiced, feelings can be heard and decisions still made for the greater good. In fact, what is “present” but not spoken becomes the “pink elephant” which is very much present but everyone ignores and carries on regardless. (more…)

Getting feedback may not always feel comfortable but it’s definitely a powerful ally and gift in the leadership journey.  Regardless of whether its formal or informal feedback – it invariably enables us to consider things which may previously have been out of our sight, even a blind spot. The insights received from feedback leads us to adapt, modify or change a perceived behavior flaw resulting in improved performance and greater positive impact.

Feedback on our strengths is an even greater enabler.  It helps us leverage and maximize our strengths for even greater results.

“One key to successful leadership is continuous personal change. Personal change is a reflection of our inner growth and empowerment.”
- Robert E. Quinn (more…)

Last week I posted a blog on “giving constructive feedback.”  Interestingly  it generated much discussion with my clients and others on how the feedback was received.  Yes – you guessed it.  A lot of the times, not that well! (more…)

Let’s face it – giving and receiving feedback is something that we aren’t naturally good at. Whether at work or home, it might be easier to avoid, ignore or minimize but in the long term we cannot overlook persistent issues that need addressing in our relationships.

At work, how easy is it for you to give feedback to a direct report or team member on their negative behavior and or attitude?  Some examples include – not keeping agreements, making cynical comments to suggestions in meetings, putting the company down, and the approach that “it’s always someone else’s fault.” These become a hindrance to good working relationships as well as being a potential career staller for the other party. How comfortable and safe do you feel in communicating your thoughts and feelings with those you work with closely, including your boss?  (more…)

Whether you are in a leadership role or not, from time to time we all have to gear up and have those courageous conversations – the ones that we tend to avoid.  And therein lies the trouble.  The more we avoid these, the bigger the issue gets or the more it festers. As one senior leader put it, “if something isn’t feeling right, nine times out of ten, it isn’t!”  And this means some conversation needs to take place –whatever the scenario and whoever your situation is with. 

We all have different “brakes’ that we put on. This stops us from tackling what needs to be tackled.  Some examples of thinking that get in the way include – “I will destroy the existing harmony” (what harmony?  The current “walk on egg-shells” variety? ) or “if I ignore it, it will just go away” (with denial, the issue rarely just disappears) or genuinely not having the skills or confidence to deal with it ( These can be learnt).  (more…)