Coaches: Learn from the Industry’s Top Thought Leaders!

It’s not often that you get to learn from over 40 of the most brilliant minds and successful coaches in one place…. But this is exactly what’s happening at the WBECS Pre-Summit this June!

Each year they bring together world-class experts and the most sought-after coaches who you’d usually have to pay thousands of dollars to hear at conferences and events.

At WBECS you get to learn from them (live!) at absolutely no cost.

But what truly stands out to me about WBECS in addition to the high quality content they identify and provide is that all of their classes are 100% pitch free. That means you won’t ever have to listen to half an hour of superficial content followed by an hour-long sales pitch… but you get to enjoy pure value instead!

The speaker line-up this year is impressive and you can check it out for yourself over here: https://coach.wbecs.com/wbecs-2018/a6572

Here are just a few examples of all the live classes you’ll be able to attend when you join the complimentary Pre-Summit:

  • Design and Deliver a TEDx Talk That Positions You As A Global Thought Leader
  • Deconstructing Deep Coaching For Top Performers
  • Conflict Coaching: The 7 Steps to Transform Any Conflict
  • The Neuroscience of Effective Team Leadership
  • How to Dramatically Increase the Conversion of Coaching Client Prospects to Coaching Clients

And so much more!

I never recommend anything unless I truly believe in the value and I do absolutely believe that you’ll receive great value from joining WBECS.

You can register for as many online classes as you like and they even upgraded the event this year with focused Implementation Mastery Sessions and more exciting opportunities to learn and engage.

Click here : https://coach.wbecs.com/wbecs-2018/a6572 to learn more and secure your spot before the most popular sessions are full!

I’ll see you in the classroom,

Jasbindar

Are You Guilty of Neglecting the People Who Matter the Most?

Have you noticed how when you are busy, under pressure and feeling pulled from all directions, you get into a different zone of doing things.

In fact, it is not just our communication which changes but our whole persona!

I call it the zone of delivery – fast action, ticking the boxes and basically getting things done.  While this is not bad in itself as after all we do get paid to deliver, we also lose out on some other important things.

In order to do the above and focus, we close out some other essential and enriching parts of our personalities and lives.

As one client of mine put it, “ I have to close off to my feelings and other sensitivities when I am in this zone of focus.”

Well – do we?

Do we really have to close off to our feelings and emotions?

“When awareness is brought to an emotion, power is brought to your life.” – Tara Meyer Robson

You see, our feelings and emotions are a vital source of information and when we close this out, we lose out on this vital feedback loop.

In our business relationships:

·     We may miss the listening we need to really hear the other person and their viewpoint which while different may also expand our thinking to be more cognizant of the bigger picture

·     We push the other person away and they end up feeling unheard, even disrespected

·     Empathy (doesn’t mean agreement) gets compromised

·     We can come across like automatons and disconnected, insensitive and or indifferent

·     Our antenna for a team member or colleague needing support gets missed

·     We lose out in opportunities to engage others by addressing theirs and our own feelings and emotions

·     In fact, we can miss out on the important signs and signals of what is really going on in the team and the larger business

·     Opportunities to influence significant stakeholder in helpful ways can also get overlooked

Similarly also in our personal relationships:

·     We can forget to communicate what is really going on for us and sharing our thoughts and feelings in a way that is still inclusive of our loved ones even if we are going through a particularly demanding phase

·     The opportunities for little words of encouragement and kindness said at the right time in the right way and which can make a world of difference get overlooked

·     We can even bring the business persona home and forget to switch off reaching out instead to other means of de-stressing and being balanced.

·     Our loved ones can start to feel neglected and secondary to our work

·     Instead of growing our relationships, distance, disengagement and chasms can widen. We end up building a wall and get into a pattern of not sharing our vulnerabilities.

So what can help?

Here are 13 emotionally intelligent things you can be more mindful of and implement. 

Clearly this is a lot to absorb but even if you pick one and consciously implemented that on a weekly basis, you may just surprise yourself with the results!

1.    Be mindful of your own state including your body signals and other basic needs so stress and cortisol levels do not become rampant

2.    Make time for some fun and stress release activities be it that run, swim, walk in nature, taking in a movie with your loved one, Friday afternoon drinks with your team or celebratory lunch

3.    Be aware of your moods and emotions and communicate to significant others and your team members and colleagues of your current demands.  Once people know they can even become supportive partners with your goals and current needs

4.    Work on balancing achieving results whilst also considering others’ needs. At least listen to them or make time with them when you can do this

5.    Involve others and encourage them to also express their thoughts and feeling and opinions – make it a culture where emotions and feelings are not left at home but rather form the rich palate in your decision making

6.    Don’t forget to acknowledge and recognize others’ hard work and input

7.    Reflect on your feelings also when making decisions

8.    Stay open and wide (we get tunnel vision when too zeroed in) and take the bigger picture into consideration in decision making

9.    If you are under the gun, it is very likely so are the other members of your team.  As a leader, before focusing on the agenda and how projects are tracking, go around the group and each team member shares “where they are at.” This enables people to express their feelings so they are not sitting on things.

10. Be willing to share your own authentic feelings e.g. “My concern about this is that”…..or “I feel we may not be as customer focused as we can be by…..”

11. As the leader during tough times, your people will be especially looking to you as to how you are coping and reacting. Be willing to share your authentic story including any feelings of “appropriate” vulnerability. This helps build more trust in the team

12. Make a conscious effort to involve and engage people in decisions that affect their work. The rewards will be worth it as it adds to your and your organizations emotional and financial bottom-line

13. With your family and friends, remember the small touches and few words can go a long way – be it words of love, encouragement, gift/token of appreciation or tender touch!

Both in our personal and professional lives we are more whole and fuller when we bring the best of our head (IQ), heart (EQ) and spirit (SQ).

It is not one or the other – we need to integrate the best of them all.

 

Read more »

How to Quickly Get Back on Track When You Have De-railed

Have you de-railed in your tracks recently?

You were going along just fine and then WHAMO!

Despite all your good intentions, rigorous goal setting and solid commitment, you found yourself back to where you did not wish to be.

Unwittingly perhaps, you got caught up, enmeshed in some old behavior patterns that stopped serving you long ago.

Or perhaps there have just been shades of  disappointment,  disillusionment and burn out and you lost focus and got discouraged.

Or, presented with the same old contextual pulls (friends, environment, old temptations) before you realized, you were back doing things and being a certain way that is not the most optimum for you and others.

In the leadership journey or indeed life, this is a very common human scenario.

Whatever your situation — be it work or home, here are eight helpful actions you can take immediately to get back on track.

Your eight keys to getting back on deck:

1) Responsibility — Acknowledge that emotions like frustration, anger, sadness, a sense of failure, stuckness are all natural and common human reactions. Our feelings and emotions add to the rich texture that life is. The key is to not act out these negative emotions on others and give away your sense of power and control to change.

Notice, acknowledge and take responsibility for what has happened.

It might feel easier to blame other and circumstances but what is going to give you leverage is asking yourself this question, “What was my part in creating or contributing to this scenario?

2) Re-commit — Ask yourself, “Moving forward, what is my intention now?” And “What and who do I need to re-commit to?

Reflecting on the bigger picture or your vision will help fuel this.

3) Actions — Ask yourself, “Given the above what action do I now need to take now?” This may be a small immediate step along with some other more intermediate ones.

4) Boundaries — Often when we fall of the wagon, we have transgressed our own and sometimes others’ boundaries.

Sometimes others invade our boundaries and we let it happen and did not stop it when we could have.

Ask yourself, “What boundaries do I need to honour?”

5) Courageous communication — Check with yourself, “Is there someone I need to have a courageous conversation with?”

“What do I need to communicate to them and what is the best way of doing this?”

Or indeed – Is there a courageous conversation you need to have with yourself which might open doors otherwise shut?

6) Support — Review who your support crew is.

Share you experience and commitment plan with them or at least one trusted other. A sense of safety and support is really important for us in feeling like we have our back covered.

7) Accountability — Stay accountable to yourself and the other person/people you have committed to.

As has been said, ‘It is not how often we fall off the horse that matters but that we get back on again!’

And, “Fall off seven, get up eight!

8) Kindness and gratitude — Often in times like this, we become our own worst enemy. Be gentle with yourself with loads of self-compassion.

Being human is being fallible. It just is.

Ask yourself, “How can I show this self-compassion and self-love…still?” and “What are all the things I am still grateful for?”

What other things have you found helpful? I look forward to your thoughts.

#Career de-railment #leadership derailment #Life events #Resilience #Transitions

How to Tell if You are Working with a Non-performer?

Are you feeling frustrated, angry and upset by someone – colleague, direct report, perhaps even a manager (!) or a supplier who is just not pulling their weight?

Despite your many attempts to talk to them, get them on board and to change their behavior and outcomes, you are plainly and simply, ‘hitting the wall!’

In fact, the only thing that is moving and overworking, is YOU!

This is a negative sum game — not only is there no change in their overall effort and performance but as a well regarded colleague put it, “If someone isn’t toeing the line, they are friction, a drag on efficiency and effectiveness.”

Not only do they NOT perform, they also they mess with your head!

Welcome to the world of working with a non-performer, which from time to time we all get lumbered with.

Signs that you are working with a non-performer

Ask yourself these questions – not in any order of importance or priority – and see how many Yes’s you get.

  1. Do you find yourself making the same request over and over again and nothing or very little gets done?
  2. Are you noticing a lack of ownership, responsibility and accountability in their behavior and talk?
  3. Do you hear excuses, blame and denial a lot of the times as to why things happened or did not happen?
  4. Are you noticing they rarely apologize for not delivering and as per discussion/agreement and for what may have gone wrong?
  5. Are you left feeling that anything you say is just talking to air/brick wall because nothing really is landing and in the end, they do what they do which is very little!
  6. Do you hear words like, “Leave it to me,” “I know what I am doing,” even “I have done this before” and yet the results are not confirmatory of these utterances?
  7. If things do get done, is it because you have finally escalated the matter to a senior or their boss?
  8. Alternatively, do they have a boss or manager who is protective of them and there is collusion between them.
  9. Have you found that when you do raise the matter with their senior or higher up, following on from the point above, they also argue back and downright support that non-performer despite your experience of their performance?
  10. Are you feeling angry, frustrated or stuck because your work and output is affected and you feel like you cannot get on with your own work?
  11. Regardless of the urgency or impact of any issue, there is no change in their response rate. Whether urgent, critical or important, the action is – well very little.
  12. Have you endured emotional, physical or financial loss as a result of their non-performance?
  13. Are you feeling unheard, unsupported, minimized, discounted and perhaps even ridiculed like somehow “YOU” are the problem!
  14. Do you find yourself feeling angry and noticing that your tolerance level is being severely tested now?
  15. You desperately want things to feel and be normal but you are realizing now that things are not going to change and it is you who has to make some structural or strategic change.

If you have answered a whole bunch of yes’s then it is time to take some serious action. Your time, energy and health and well-being are all precious commodities, which need to be better spent.

What you can do or may have tried already:

  • Had a conversation with them about what you are noticing and given them a chance to put forward their side of things
  • Listened deeply to understand what the problem dynamics and opportunities for solutions are
  • Asked them if there is anything you can do that will help you both address the issues that are of concern
  • Given some consequences if standards are still not met
  • Given them time to see if they deliver on promises made
  • You may or may not have followed through on the consequences

Final words

Non-performers can leave you thinking it is your problem. But don’t be fooled — it’s not you, it’s them!

Do you have this problem? Please comment on your experience with non-performers.

Who are you prosecuting?

Having recently shared on the tyranny of being right,  Rick’s regular newsletter, “Just One Thing”   arrived in my inbox.  The topic “Who are you prosecuting?  was on a similar theme.    So what better delight than to share his great post – with his permission, of course –  with you all?! 🙂

Sign up details to his awesome newsletter are at the bottom.

Rick Hanson, Ph.D., is a psychologist, New York Times best-selling author, Senior Fellow of the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley, and invited speaker at Oxford, Stanford, and Harvard universities. See Rick’s workshops and lectures.

Why?

Lately I’ve been thinking about a kind of “case” that’s been running in my mind about someone in my extended family. The case is a combination of feeling hurt and mistreated, critique of the other person, irritation with others who haven’t supported me, views about what should happen that hasn’t, and implicit taking-things-personally.

In other words, the usual mess.

It’s not that I have not been mistreated – actually, I have been – nor that my analysis of things is inaccurate (others agree that what I see does in fact exist). The problem is that my case is saturated with negative emotions like anger, biased toward my own viewpoint, and full of me-me-me. Every time I think of it I start getting worked up, adding to the bad effects of chronic stress. It creates awkwardness with others, since even though they support me, they’re naturally leery of getting sucked into my strong feelings or into my conflict with the other person. It makes me look bad, too cranked up about things in the past. And it primes me for overreactions when I see the person in question. Yes, I practice with this stuff arising in my mind and generally don’t act it out, but it’s still a burden.

I think my own experience of case-making – and its costs – are true in general. In couples in trouble, one or both people usually have a detailed Bill of Particulars against the other person. At larger scales, different social or political groups have scathing indictments of the other side.

How about you? Think of someone you feel wronged by: can you find a case against that person in your mind? What’s it feel like to go into that case? What does it cost you? And others?

The key – often not easy – is to be open to your feelings (e.g., hurt, anger), to see the truth of things, and to take appropriate action . . . while not getting caught up in your case about it all.

How?

Bring to awareness a case about someone – probably related to a grievance, resentment, or conflict. It could be from your present or your past, resolved or still grinding. Explore this case, including: the version of events in it, other beliefs and opinions, emotions, body sensations, and wants; notice how you see the other person, and yourself; notice what you want from others (sometimes their seeming failings are a related case). For a moment or two, in your mind or out loud, get into the case: really make it! Then notice what that’s like, to get revved up into your case.

Mentally or on paper, list some of the costs to you and others of making this particular case. Next, list the payoffs to you; in other words, what do you get out of making this case? For example, making a case typically makes us feel in the right, is energizing, and helps cover over softer vulnerable emotions like hurt or disappointment. Then ask yourself: are the payoffs worth the costs?

With this understanding, see if you can stay with the difficult feelings involved in the situation (the basis for the case) without slipping into a reproachful or righteous case about them. To do this, it could help to start by resourcing yourself by bringing to mind the felt sense of being cared about by others, and by opening to self-compassion. And try to hold those difficult feelings in a big space of awareness.

Open to a wider, more impersonal, big picture view of the situation – so it’s less about you and more about lots of swirling causes coming together in unfortunate ways. See if any kind of deeper insight about the other person, yourself, or the situation altogether comes to you.

Listen to your heart: are there any skillful actions to take? Including naming the truth of things, disengaging from tunnels with no cheese, or the action of there-is-nothing-that-can-be-done.

Watch how a case starts forming in your mind, trying to get its hooks into you. Then see if you can interrupt the process. Literally set down the case, like plopping down a heavy suitcase when you finally get home after a long trip. What a relief!

Enjoy the good feelings, the spaciousness of mind, the openness of heart, the inner freedom, and other rewards of dropping your case.

JUST ONE THING (JOT) is the free newsletter that suggests a simple practice each week for more joy, more fulfilling relationships, and more peace of mind. A small thing repeated routinely adds up over time to produce big results.

Just one thing that could change your life.
(© Rick Hanson, 2018)

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